Mutant rat giveaway!

I have recently started walking through town on my way home from work and I eye up Games Workshop every time I pass it. I’ve never really been tempted to go in – I love gaming, however I don’t have a console and I’m more attracted to shoes and books. Plus I’d have to cross the road to get to the shop and I can’t be bothered when all I want to do is get home out of the cold.

By the way, it so turned to winter sometime yesterday between lunch and my afternoon “fresh air” break (code for nicotine fix – I never did quit smoking). It is bitterly cold out there and I was skidding my way to the bus station this morning!

I went in this evening – I think I’ve caught Christmas shopping fever and this was the only place open bar John Lewis which I perused yesterday. I knew I wasn’t going to buy anything – trying to stick to a budget for once, even if it is 100 quid over what I actually have in my account at the moment…but I didn’t realise how much I would gain from the impulse.

I expected to see X-box games lining the walls and instead found Warhammer. I had never heard of it before so the sales assistant gave me a brief introduction and I ended up having a wee game against him. It looks like more work to get into than I’d like – he was getting out all sorts of books and magazines to explain how many inches each character can move – and I’m not much into fantasy, however I loved the concept and even more so the folk that come in on Tuesdays to paint their characters and have massive battles downstairs – guys so geeky you’d think they only exist in film!

I went away with a Skaven, a mutant rat, and an invitation to come back and learn how to paint it! Had a look at it and the detail is really quite impressive. I’ll definitely take up the offer and maybe watch a game or two, possibly even make some new friends!

3D Pinball: Space Cadet.

You have got to love this game! I rediscover it every few years and just go into a major pinball frenzy, it’s great!

Seriously, how old school is it! As far as I know, its first release for Windows was with Windows 95 Plus, and it hasn’t changed a bit! I love the fact that regardless of all the advances in graphic design over the past decade, it’s still totally grainy (you must play full screen of course!) with the same cross-eyed space cadet. It’s awesome! Pinball on its own is a totally old school game. I can’t even remember the last time I saw an actual pinball machine…

Ah, and the whole idea of completing missions! I have no idea of how many missions there are in total, but there are 9 levels and I doubt I’ve ever gotten past level 4. It’s some tough stuff!

There are so many details I could go into that I bet all 3D Pinball lovers would appreciate. Like how annoying that first light to accept the mission can be when you just can’t seem to hit it, and when you finally do, you die. Or the anxiety when both your side kickers are out and the ball’s bouncing between safety and peril. And when it does go down the wrong way, the relief of “Replay ball”. Whew!

I always forget about this game thanks to all the other more developed, swanky games out there. It’s days when I’ve not got an Xbox or Nintendo Wii or the internet to waste time with that I chance upon it and fall in love all over again.

I must admit, I am a bit of a hardcore videogamer. So much so I’ve been having Super Mario Galaxy dreams! (Way cool!)

Just a dream, thank Odin!

I’ve had one nightmare a month so far this year, and they’ve been getting scarier and scarier! Normally I only have about two a year. It’s creeping me out a bit.

I arrived at some sort of hostel with a broken leg that was still recuperating. Inside it was really cozy and a woman (who was my second grade teacher in real life, Mrs. Doromal) promised everything would be ok here. They’d help with lots of therapy, mental and physical, and I’d be good as new again. Doromal said she’d seen the x-rays – it was a shocker of a break.

Memories came flooding back to me about the ex-boyfriend that had beaten me, the broken bone jutting out of my leg at a 45 degree angle, the extremely painful surgeries, the seemingly never-ending recovery. (I’m not sure if all this happened earlier in the dream or if it’s a continuation of another dream, but don’t worry, none of this happened for real.) Tears started streaming down my cheeks – I was so relieved and grateful that finally I could live a normal pain-free life again.

She carried out a routine checkup, and suddenly all my intestines, stomach and esophagus were on the table for examination. I was walking around the living room with this empty feeling inside of me. I coughed a couple of times and could feel something drip from inside my throat and land in the bottom of my torso. I mentioned this to Doromal and the other lady that was apparently the doctor. In the dream I knew this was a regular check for kids about 6 years old, and I told her about one of my friends that had died of meningitis as a result of it.

They decided everything must go except my esophagus. I stared panicking. How could I eat? They showed me my new plastic digestive system wrapped in one of these white sterilised packages you see in hospitals. Won’t it be really uncomfortable and maybe even painful while my intestines are settling back in? The answer, yes.

I was forced to lie back on a chair. I was gripping the back of the seat, and when the doctor starting drawing a line across my stomach of where to make the incision, I started yelling and screaming – not something I had consciously meant to do, even if I was freaked out. Doromal yelled STOP! Two of my fingernails were blood red and two others were a purplish green.

They told me to relax, I’d be fine. My dog came over to me and I started petting him. My blood pressure instantly dropped and my fingers were starting to look normal. They lay me back on the chair, Doromal saying Quickly, quickly! I felt the incision and my stomach being sliced open, but they must have administered some hefty local anaesthetics beforehand because there was no pain. I instantly felt relief and my whole body relaxed for a split second.

Suddenly my chest tensed up completely. I knew my heart had stopped. My whole being focused on my chest for just a moment, and then release. I probably died, but instead I woke up.

How creepy is that!

Night vision goggles and imaginary dogs.

In all boarding schools you have different teachers who enjoy the art of busting and purposefully go out to catch people smoking.

There was one teacher at a school called Marlboro (pronounced MAHL-bruh, not to be confused with the cigarettes) in the south of England. He was an ex-RAF and seemed to think that he hadn’t quite left the army. One evening he decided to phone up some of his pals still in service and borrow their helicopter so they could fly over the school, catching anyone having a fag on the roof of the building.

Now, you might get a little confused as to how he could see their faces in the dark, but not to worry because he had a pair of night vision goggles.

Imagine. There are you having a quiet cigarette when you suddenly hear a voice blasting from above via loudspeaker: “You have been busted. Drop the cigarette, stub it out and remain where you are.” Haha stupid fuck, can’t see who I am. “And in case you are wondering, I can see you. I have night vision goggles.” Shit.

True story told to me by a friend busted for smoking by a guy who regularly walks his imaginary dog in the middle of the night.

The ant that cried cookie.

Dr. X lays a cookie out on the ground.

An ant comes out scavenging for food in its usual domain. It spots the cookie with its wee antennae and excitedly scrambles back to its buddies for help.

Dr. X removes the cookie.

“…Guys, I’m telling you, this thing was massive! We’ll have food for months!…” But the cookie has mysteriously disappeared. After a thorough search, they decide a mistake has been made. Back to headquarters.

Dr. X lays out the cookie again.

The ant returns, again in search of food. Lo’ and behold! The cookie is there! It hurries for back up.

Dr. X removes the cookie.

All the ants return. Yet again, no cookie is to be found. The others hold a short conference. Our poor ant can’t understand what happened. It pleads desperately for mercy, but the others decide that it has gone delusional and is no longer efficient.

So they kill it.

A (somewhat) true story.